when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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