I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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