how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
