You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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