Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
