call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
