Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
