He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
