I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize