I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
