I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
