Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
