its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
