So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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