I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
