god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
