I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
