i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
