Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
