Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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