found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
