I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had sex on a roof
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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