I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
