cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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