So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize