where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize