Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
