So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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