I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
