Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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