12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
