I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
