Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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