I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
