Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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