I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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