Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
