you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
