I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
