I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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