I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
