New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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