Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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