I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
