I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
