Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
