The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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