I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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