wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
