Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
