Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
