There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ugly people sure do ruin things
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
