he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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