was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
