dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
