Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
