There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
youre lurking in front of me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I touched a dick in church today
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