ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
