She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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