Define "chronic" masturbator.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
