you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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