I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
