please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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