His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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