obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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