A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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