brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
