shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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