come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
