Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
