My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
